Expert Relationship Advice For Kanye and Kim
Posted On Mar 04, 2016
Kanye West has attracted a lot of attention in recent months for all the wrong reasons. From his ongoing Twitter rants to his highly publicized meltdown backstage at a taping of Saturday Night Live, the rapper’s actions have stirred widespread speculation and concern.
Amidst rumors of divorce, Kanye’s wife Kim Kardashian West has publicly stood by her husband. However, Kanye’s increasingly erratic behavior may be putting a strain on the couple’s marriage. We talked to relationship expert Dr. Wendy Walsh about the process that Kim and Kanye could take to address the problem, steps that would also apply to couples in similar situations.
Dr. Wendy believes the first priority when one partner in a relationship is acting out is to get to the root of the problem. She said, “People don’t act out because they are thinking intellectually about things and processing rationally. They act out because there are unchecked feelings that they are unaware of. When we are not aware of our feelings, they come out as maladaptive behaviors. It may mean individual therapy or couples therapy, but the key is to get to the bottom of what the feelings are.”
Once the underlying feelings have been acknowledged, Dr. Wendy asserts that couples must come up with some strategies to manage feelings better so they don’t emerge as maladaptive behaviors. She told us, “I think the most important thing is to make sure that they are not blaming each other and dissing each other. That they are on the same team and the team is that the relationship comes first over the individual.”
A respectful approach to communication is crucial. Dr. Wendy explained her process as a “communication sandwich” saying, “It starts out with a layer of love, a compliment, then it follows with a layer of something that is a little hard to chew on, and then it is followed up quickly with another layer of love. If you start with criticism, then they are going to be so defensive, they aren’t going to be able to hear you.”
As for what might be the driving force behind Kanye’s behavior? Dr. Wendy had a very interesting theory. She believes that the recent birth of his son Saint might be a factor.
“There is some evidence to show that fathers even get a form of postpartum depression or stress. No matter how wealthy you are, you never think it’s enough. You up the ante for what is normal for you financially.” Dr. Wendy continued, “When another person comes into it and they need support, you start to worry. So guys tend to worry about the finances, they worry if the relationship is healthy for the kids, they worry that the kids are going to take the mom’s attention and they’ll be lost in it. A lot of things can happen to guys postpartum.”
Kanye’s financial problems are probably the biggest worry right now and the stress is being exacerbated by the arrival of the new baby, according to Dr. Wendy. She said, “Often when there is a new baby in the house, couples tend to gravitate toward more traditional gender roles. In fact, there is some research to show that the more affluent families are, the more likely they are to have traditional gender roles. Her having to take on his debt, him not be able to be a traditional provider at a time when it’s needed, all of that would lead to this behavior.”
Whatever Kanye and Kim’s issues may be, we hope they work together to overcome them — away from the cameras.
More information about Dr. Wendy Walsh, author of The Boyfriend Test: How to Evaluate His Potential Before You Lose Your Heart, can be found at DrWendyWalsh.com.
Celebrity RelationshipsKanye WestKim Kardashianpostpartum depressionRelationship AdviceSaint West