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Star Wars Explained Using Chick Language

By Julie Fink
Posted On Dec 18, 2015
Star Wars Explained Using Chick Language

It is December 18th. The latest Star Wars: The Force Awakens movie has been unleashed to the world. Everyone is talking about it, tweeting it, waiting in line for it, advertising it, branding it, eating it, buying it, breathing it…

Except for the girly girls.

Please know that we do not understand Star Wars. We are glamorous, high-heeled, newly nail polished, straight from the yoga studio, don’t even have time for TV because we are too busy taking over the world with our selfies and dreams of becoming the best at everything.

Our idea of C-3PO and Chewbacca is ‘the shiny one’ and ‘the hairy one.’ Princess Leia to us is ‘the one with the buns.’

So this is my attempt at educating the entire race of humans that follow Kylie Jenner on IG about one of the most important film franchises in history. We are going on virtual tour of the Star Wars galaxy in style. This one’s for all the ‘Penny’s’ (The Big Bang Theory) of the world. I call this…

Star Wars: A Beauty Guide to the Galaxy

The Death Star

markascott.deviantart.com
markascott.deviantart.com

For those of us who don’t have Darth Vader’s helmet mask to cover up our faces, here are a few tips to keeping a natural glow on the Death Star.

First of all, be on the look out for low lighting. The galactic super weapon can be a little dim which can drown out your best facial features. An easy way to combat the gloom is to add a pop to your makeup. CoverGirl has done an excellent job in creating a look individually catered to the female military personnel of the Death Star. This is a huge help for the ladies who have your eye on a handsome Stormtrooper and want to stand out in a fabulous way!

Covergirl Stormtrooper - Covergirl Star Wars Collection
CoverGirl Stormtrooper – CoverGirl Star Wars Collection

Secondly, things tend to get a little grim, so try not to get sucked into the negative vortex of death and destruction. A few suggestions might be to smile, bring a 5-hour energy drink or an ice cold Starbucks Frappuccino might do the trick!

What Up Yoda?

Photo: 20th Century Fox/Lucasfilm
Photo: 20th Century Fox/Lucasfilm

Dagobah is going to be challenge! Visiting with the infamous green guru, Master Yoda, you will have to take a few things into consideration when heading to the swampy planet Dagobah. The environment is very humid and dense, similar to rainforest only not as hot. It’s a thick-forested area and therefore, you will be running into a frizzy situation if you aren’t prepared.

A Dagobah local suggested yoga chic. It is the purest place in all the entire galaxy. This is actually where Luke Skywalker received advanced training in the ways of the Force, so its spiritual essence is strong.

In a nut shell, come with positive energy, frizz control mousse and mud boots.

The Desert Planet of Jakku

 Daisy Ridley and John Boyega star as Rey and Finn in The Force Awakens alongside friendly droid, BB-8. (Photo: Disney)

Daisy Ridley and John Boyega star as Rey and Finn in The Force Awakens alongside friendly droid, BB-8. (Photo: Disney)

When visiting Rey, Finn and BB-8 on the desert planet of Jakku, the main thing to remember is to hydrate, hydrate, hydrate! Jakku is a desolate wasteland in a dry, harsh desert terrain. It’s basically Sex and the City II in reverse. Instead of camels, couture and cash, Jakku is home to thieves, scavengers and outlaws. So in addition to lots of water, sunscreen and moisturizers, bring your light saber as well.

CoverGirl shows up again with an earth-toned Jedi-style makeup look that will help you blend in with Jakku locals.

Covergirl Jedi from the Covergirl Star Wars Collection
CoverGirl Jedi – CoverGirl Star Wars Collection

Endor is so Fetch

Ewok village
Ewok Village – starwars.wikia.com

This is a historic site where Han Solo, Princess Leia, Luke Skywalker, Chewbacca, C-3PO and R2-D2 joined the Ewoks in a fight against the Galactic Empire. This is the ultimate ‘Mean Girls’ showdown of the universe, only Han Solo doesn’t get run over by a bus.

Wicket the Ewok
Wicket the Ewok

The planet itself is a beautifully-wooded planet, very magical and enchanting. Be sure to dress comfortably, bring hiking shoes and forget your fear of heights… you’ll be luxuriously lodged 50 feet up a tree, overlooking one of the most beautiful planets in the entire Universe.

The Ewoks are lovably feisty and fun. They are like the pets of Star Wars so think of Bruiser Woods meets Teddy Ruxpin.

A few honorable mentions:

Never visit Hoth in the winter.

HOT SPOT: Mos Eisley Cantina on planet Tatooine. Don’t  miss out on live music from Figrin d’an and the Modal Nodes! (It’s basically the happening place where all the aliens congregate to get drunk).

Cantina Scene - andymech.blogspot.com
Cantina Scene – andymech.blogspot.com

The most fabulous planet is Naboo. The capital of Naboo, Theed, is a thriving metropolis full of action, art and achievement and houses the most advanced civilization in the galaxy. It’s like Paris of Star Wars! It’s also where Natalie Portman’s character, Padme Amidala lived, she was the Queen of Naboo.

Theed at Sunset - starwars.wikia.com
Theed at Sunset – starwars.wikia.com

Also, the Galactic City (later called Imperial City) covered the surface levels of the planet Coruscant. Consider it the New York City of Star Wars.

Galactic City at sunset - starwars.wikia.com
Galactic City at sunset – starwars.wikia.com

Fellas, do yourselves a favor and forward this to your girlfriend… #YouAreWelcome