New You Chats With Christy Whitman On How To Have It "ALL"
Posted On Apr 01, 2015
Juggling work and family is a challenge in itself – throw young children into the mix and the famous scene where the iconic Lucille Ball tries to sort chocolates on a conveyor belt in I LOVE LUCY becomes all too familiar. Maybe it was the boss keeping you late at work, a chickenpox outbreak, a flat tire on the way to work or any number of cogs thrown into your well-oiled planning machine? No matter what action or excuse holds you hostage, there are ways to dance in sync with these challenges according to author, Christy Whitman. In her book “The Art of Having it All – A Woman’s Guide to Unlimited Abundance, Whitman offers up a modern strategy for women who want to “have it all.” Here are her recommendations as well as answers to some burning questions.
DEFINE YOUR “IT” AND YOUR “ALL”
The first step is to become profoundly connected to yourself. No two women have the same life experiences, the same perspectives, the same goals, preferences, beliefs or ideals… and for this reason, no two women define having it all in exactly the same ways. Each and every one of us is a unique expression of the Divine, and – despite what we may have been socialized to believe – we don’t all want the same things.
Give yourself permission to envision what having it all means to you in each important area of your life. Let your imagination expand to create a vision of all that you desire to create – physically, emotionally, socially, financially, and spiritually. Visualize a reality in which your desires manifest naturally and easily, and in which you experience all the joy, health, success, abundance and fulfillment that you desire. Define the things that truly bring you happiness. Identify the conditions or experiences you have always wanted to create. Design your life to be amazing beyond your wildest imagination. What would it look like? How would it feel? Are you financially abundant and debt free? Is your body a certain size or weight? Do you feel more rewarded in your career? Are your relationships more intimate and satisfying? Allow yourself to dream about what having it all means to you. Don’t worry about how it will happen.
“Having it all simply means having access to all of yourself, in any moment you choose it, and in every aspect of life that is important to you.”
CREATE FROM INSIDE OUT
Identify a specific area in your life – your finances, your career, relationships with others, for example – where you feel discontent, frustrated or unfulfilled; an aspect of your life where you do not yet feel you have it all. Identify the dominant emotion or vibration that you are emitting in response to it. Do you feel resentment? Disappointment? Resignation?
Allow yourself to feel this emotion in your body. Where is the feeling located? How large of an area does it cover? Connect with this emotion. Notice if it is familiar to you. Think back to the past, to relationships or circumstances where you experienced it? Notice the feelings in your body as you consider this. Acknowledge that you – and no one else – are the sole generator of your vibration. Ask yourself if there is anything you have to give up in order to shift your attitude. Do you need to release some old resentment? Do you have to give up being a victim? Do you have to let go of being right? Identify what you have been holding on to, see if you can give it up, and notice what happens to how you feel as you do. Liberate yourself. Connect with the feeling you want. Allow it to become your new center and your new point of attraction.
“Nothing can happen until you start paying attention to you, and this means listening to your emotions rather than trying to resist, suppress, ignore or deny them.”
BE OPEN TO RECEIVING
Call to mind any area of your life where you are in a state of resistance – someplace where you have a chronic complaint or where your viewpoint is one of “It shouldn’t be like this.” Try to see if you can allow yourself to accept it exactly as it is. Accepting a situation does not mean that you approve of it, or that you don’t want it to change. It simply means accepting what is at this moment. Give yourself permission to think and feel about it the way that you do, without trying to minimize your feelings or pretend to feel any different. Pay closer attention to the way you feel about this situation. Allow yourself to receive whatever information your emotions are trying to convey to you. What is the message your feelings are giving you about you? Allow yourself to feel the intensity of your emotions fully and completely, without describing or labeling them. Simply be with them with all of your attention, and feel the power of their vibration. Embrace them rather than resist them. And notice that they begin to dissipate and release. From this new level of awareness, allow yourself to connect with what you really do want to experience in this area of your life. How do you want to feel in relation to this situation? What is one action you could take – be it an inner action or an outer action – to change your set point about this issue? How can you allow in more of what you are wanting? Go for it. Bring it on. Make it happen.
“Give yourself permission to have. Give yourself permission to be. Give yourself permission to need. Give yourself permission to let go.”
CLARITY + ALIGNMENT + ACTION = MANIFESTATION
Clarity about the exact nature of what you want builds intensity and distinguishes the unique vibration of your desire. Maintaining a feeling allowing and non-resistance draws it towards us. The combination of feeling good, excited and content with what is, while at the same time being clear about what more we want, that opens the door for more to come into our lives. Intending and allowing are equally important in the manifestation equation, but every situation calls for a different degree of each. The bigger our goal and the clearer our intention, the more we need to allow. When you then add physical activity into this equation, you summon the power to manifest anything you desire. Whether you experience this creative process as spontaneous and easy or as slow and difficult depends on how much of a balance you are able to strike between these inner and outer forces.
“There is a deep place within your system where there are complete alignment and infinite capacity.”
YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL
Kristy says “By allowing yourself to swell up with that gratitude, you open up doorways along your path. Synchronicity comes into play and people show up in your life, that bring you to places that are truly unimaginable to you in the present moment.”
Life really happens. Dreams really can come true.
Q – How can you handle the negativity of the people surrounding you? For example, my husband has a tendency to think about the worst case scenario at almost all times…
Christy Whitman: By practicing the Law of Allowing. We need to stay connected to ourselves and in the presence of others. By focusing on what you want, what you want to feel and then getting into the feeling place, the negativity of others can’t penetrate you.
Q – I am in a very stressful situation at the moment. I guess my question is how can I get myself calmed down enough to start on a new approach to my life?
CW: BREATHE! Take one moment at a time. Feel yourself and breathe when you are feeling the stress of all of the transition. Remind yourself what you do want, why you want it and how you want to feel. Then allow yourself to feel the essence of the desire you seek. I go deep into that in The Art of Having It All.
Q – What happens if I want deeply to be with my partner I LOVE and he wants as deeply NOT to be with me and we both wish it and manifest it (independently)?
CW: We can’t change anyone with the Universal Laws. I would focus on what you do love about your partner and get that clarity. There are many other people out there that can express those qualities. Use this as an opportunity to clarify your desires by listing all the qualities your current partner has, but then also add to it that your new partner is also in love with you, treats you well, etc. This is where the Law of Detachment comes in. We can’t be attached to the outcome or even the form. The form being the certain person we are in a relationship with. Just even detaching from the outcome may change the dynamic of the current relationship.
Q – I’m having trouble accessing my future self through meditation. Do you have any ideas?
CW: Typically this is because there is a block. This is good news because now you can see what the block is. Is it that you need to develop visualizing and that skill or is it a particularly bright future? That is where we need to look at certain beliefs. If there is not the allowing of the future self then there is something blocking it.
Q – When we have been thinking, in the same way, all our lives, how can we step out of that to create something different?
CW: It is just a pattern of thought and you are in control of your mind, not your thoughts. Get ahead of your thoughts and start using affirmations to get your mind focused in the direction of what you do want. You change a thought one at a time. Sending and surround your thoughts that you don’t want in light and love and replace them with a new empowering thought.
Q – How do I pinpoint why I succeed .. but always crash and find myself back to the starting point?
CW: In The Art of Having It All I talk about the allowing meter. This will really help you understand why we allow so much success and then our saboteur steps in and stops it.
Q – I have a question, how do I stop attracting so much negative in my life? It’s like one thing I deal with, and the second one just pops in. I feel like I am in this hole and can’t break free. Please advise how to remove this roadblock? Thanks!
CW: I would first ask yourself what is the payoff for attracting this negativity in your life. You are doing it for a reason. I would say there is a pattern of thought or even a sub-personality that needs to be evolved to give it a new role to help you succeed instead of blocking your desires.
Q – We don’t always get what we want but what we need. How is our inability to manifest what we want affected by the idea that a greater purpose exists for us that we may not be conscious of?
CW: That is a lyric from a song and frankly not a good one. We do get what we need, and as I believe we can have it all, we can also get what we want. When you get into the soul quality or essence of what you want such as joy or freedom as an example then you will have what is in alignment with your soul and get what you need and want.
Q – Everything’s great in my life ….except money…What would you advise, and have you noticed a common thread in people with money lack? Is there one thing more than anything else that we’re all doing or believing?
CW: I would say look at the answer above. It is all vibration. And it is all a relationship. Money can’t start the relationship with us, it is us. Change the relationship and you change the outcome.
Q – Hi I have a son with a severe disability and I have created my own business to try to help us financially to cope with our son’s needs. I am trying to do it in a positive way I love what I’m doing and it is also helping our planet as I’m upcycling. My time is limited so how do I create more time.
CW: When you start working with essence you work less. You can bring in the Universal principles to help you and therefore attract things easier. You will then find that you have less effort and therefore more time available.
Q – I have kids and want to stay in this marriage, I still like my spouse but he is very uncooperative and recently has stopped communicating – while I am aware of the changes I need to make (lessons learned from past mistakes) how do I get him to change if he does not cooperate?
CW: You can’t get anyone to change if they don’t want to change themselves. Make your inner changes and focus on your own alignment. Law of Attraction will then take care of the details that manifests for you in that aligned place.
Q – How long does it take to have it all? I’ve been doing meditations and affirmations and clarifying my idea of what I want for about two and a half years and still haven’t attained it yet. Is there anything we can do to manifest the life we want more quickly?
CW: The more energy that you give out that is positive and of a higher vibration the quicker things change. It does not take much time at all. The faster and quicker you shift, the faster and quicker the outer reality changes. Our outer reality is a direct reflection of our inner world.
Q – How do you attract more love and abundance?
CW: Feel more love and abundance. Consistently.
Q – how do you stop the automatic critical self-talk without even realizing that you are doing it
CW: Pay attention to your own vibration.
Q – Is this applicable for Men
CW: Of course. These are Universal Principles so they affect all of us, both men and women.
Christy Whitman, life coach, motivational speaker and founder of the Quantum Success Coaching Academy, helps women and men around the world achieve their goals through her empowerment seminars, speeches, coaching sessions and products. She is the bestselling author of Perfect Pictures and co-author of the bestselling book Taming Your Alpha Bitch with Rebecca Grado. She currently lives in Montreal. For more information, visit www.TheArtofHavingItAll.com or www.ChristyWhitman.com