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Growing Pains: Staying with Partners Who Are Not Good for Us

By Dontaira Terrell
Posted On Jun 14, 2016
Growing Pains: Staying with Partners Who Are Not Good for Us

So, you think you can change a man? Well, let me share a little secret with you…YOU can’t! Despite your great personality, good looks, awesome sex tricks, and perfect personality, he’s not going to change his ways, unless of course he wants too! I’ve witnessed so many women tell themselves “he’s going to change” or “he just needs time.” Unfortunately, the lies we tell ourselves and the stories we force ourselves to believe about our significant others keep us holding on for far too long, ultimately, trying to force something out of nothing when deep down we know the truth.

There are several reasons why your mate may be avoiding exclusivity with you, discussing certain topics, or meeting your family among many other things. If this is the case, your man could be emotionally unavailable, which could contribute to his lack of communication. Sometimes the signs are transparent and other times their camouflaged. Unsure? Here are ways to help you better pinpoint the emotional availability of your man:

Unreliable: You ask and he agrees but he never comes through. Despite all of the chances given to prove his worthiness, he falls short every time.  Usually, emotionally unavailable people find it very difficult to be there for others especially during the most trying times.

Self-centered: The man in the mirror is the only person he is worried about. His words never match his actions and you are usually the one giving all of the TLC. Rarely is it ever reciprocated.

Photo Credit: Shutter Stock
Photo Credit: Shutter Stock

Indecisive: Too tired, stressed, overworked, or broke–whenever you try to make standing plans with him it’s like trying to catch a fish with your bare hands, tricky and irritating. Regardless, it’s obvious he isn’t aspiring to achieve an intimate connection with you at this time.

Reminiscent of the past: Often bringing up his ex in casual conversation is a sure sign he is not 100% emotionally invested. Maybe he is still holding onto feelings of anger, sadness, or regret which means he still has unresolved emotional issues tied to someone else.

Your partner has built so many walls and barriers it’s virtually impossible to effectively communicate with him. Drowning in a “lose-lose situation,” your partnership is becoming more exhausting and draining to say the least. Some would say, just give it a little more time whereas others have the ability to immediately walk away. The most common mistake women make is staying and sticking it out in hopes of winning over their lovers’ heart. Rest assured, it will more than likely leave you with a broken heart in the end.

In retrospect, forget playing the waiting game! Personally, I would just avoid this type of guy altogether. If you’re in too deep and find yourself completely wrapped up in an emotionally unavailable mate, Do Not fret! The best thing to do is move on in order to make room for the right person. I know it is easier said than done, but honestly, leave before it’s too late.