Posted On Aug 10, 2016
We offer up the not-so-secret reasons why lingerie is an evergreen obsession for men. (And women, too!)
BY GERRY STRAUSS
You’re a grown woman with everyday worries, limited time, and real-life imperfections. This isn’t your first rodeo, nor is it his. You both know exactly what you look like naked, for better or worse. And now he wants you to wear lingerie? Really, what’s the point? Aren’t we getting a little too old for this? Perhaps not. “Regardless of age, putting effort into your sex life, sex appeal, looks, and relationship in general are essential,” explains Laurel House, an international dating coach and the author of Screwing the Rules: The No-Games Guide to Love.
“This doesn’t mean you should be strutting around in feathers and nipple petals at age 60, but you should wear a pretty matching bra and panties that emphasize, lift, tuck, and accentuate your specific curves. Enough of the nightly granny panties, tattered bras, and tablecloth-sized nightgowns. Just because your guy is older doesn’t mean that he’s forgotten what sexy is.”
Ladies, put yourself aside for a moment. (Don’t worry… we’ll get back to you.) There’s one unshakable reality to consider: Regardless of a man’s age, he’s still infatuated with lingerie. But why? “Lingerie feeds on men’s fantasies, fulfilling dreams that may have started to build when they were young boys,” says House. “You are all dressed up with almost nothing on, and it’s for his eyes only—like a gift that’s waiting to be unwrapped.”
Sound enticing? If not, it could be a dormant sense of confidence in your own beauty that has got you dragging your heels. Believe it or not, giving lingerie a try just might be the cure. “When you dress up in breast-, butt-, and thigh-flattering outfits, it’s almost impossible not to feel sexy and wanted,” smiles House. “You might surprise yourself when you get a glance of your figure in the mirror. Seeing your lace, satin, or silk-framed shape might be just the thing to remind you how beautiful your body truly is.”
Fashion industry experts agree that a large part of the thrill of lingerie is not unlike that of a gift found underneath the Christmas tree—a present that gives equal amounts of satisfaction to the giver and the receiver. “It’s an incredibly empowering thing for a woman to wear,” says Noah Wrubel, CEO and cofounder of Barenecessities.com. “There’s a thrill in both the surprise and the seduction.”
Wrubel is quick to mention that lingerie isn’t just for showing off in private. “By wearing it underneath their clothes, lingerie gives women a chance to express themselves privately while they’re in public—even if no one else sees what’s underneath.” As titillating as lingerie can be, satisfaction is never entirely guaranteed. Like everything in a relationship, the successful inhabiting of a lingerie-laden look is only achieved once a woman gains a true understanding of what her partner likes, with and without clothes.
“What turns a man on is highly debatable, and totally depends on your guy’s preferences,” House explains. “It’s often based on personal experiences and fantasies that became branded into his brain from the time he was 10 years old… and happened to peek at Dad’s Playboy magazines. From boy shorts to teddies to a white ‘T,’ each man’s preferences can be radically different.”
With so many options out there, finding the right intimates is a challenge unto itself, even after you’ve identified your mate’s most powerful turn-ons. Women shouldn’t ignore their personal comfort. “You want to make sure the bra and panties fit,” House implores. “They shouldn’t be itchy or cutting into your skin. You should be able to move around without feeling like you’re walking like a robot.
If you’re planning on wearing your lingerie underneath your clothes, be sure that the bows, lace, feathers, and any other details aren’t too obvious, showing your sexy wares before showtime. If you’re unsure about it, bring your ‘outer’ outfit to the store.”Above all, the fine art of seduction is fueled by sexual confidence. While lingerie is clearly a powerful tool, what he really wants is you.
If you choose to wear lingerie toward that end, then wear it proudly. The rest will fall into place. “Once you’re in your chosen outfit and revealing it to your man, be confident,” House says. “Don’t immediately go into, ‘Do you like it? I wasn’t sure if you would,’ or ‘Do I look silly?’ Set the tone with both your attitude and your outfit.”
Joan Wicker, 62, has been married to the same man for 28 years and working in the intimates department of the same New Jersey-based department store for 17 of those years. Her heartfelt feelings about the importance of lingerie ring true.“Every day, I talk to customers who need convincing that lingerie is appropriate for them,” Wicker chuckles. “I tell them all the same thing, which is that my husband and I still excite each other after all of these years.
To us, lingerie is an accessory, like a piece of jewelry, a beautiful scarf, or even a seasonal decoration for the house. It’s something that shows how special those sexual moments in time still are to both of us. There’s really nothing hotter than that.”“Now, if you’ll excuse me,” she continues, winking as she heads to a rack of silky teddies. “Tonight is our date night, and I think I’ll use my employee discount and tell my husband that I’d like to stay in tonight. Somehow I doubt he’ll complain.”