A Shade Sexier
Posted On Aug 05, 2019
There are tricks the modern woman can do to spice up her sex life- be it a bit of role-playing, a sumptuous spa treatment, or a well-thought-out acquisition at an intimates boutique
BY BETH LANDMAN
ALICIA HUNTER, A VOLUPTUOUS BLONDE, entered the chic restaurant Buccan in Pa;, Beach on a Friday evening in February and smiled at handsome James Wilkinson across the bar. When a statuesque brunette began to flirt with him, Hunter became even more interested. Though he engaged in lively conversation with his new companion, he constantly looked back at Hunter. When a well-dressed gentleman began chatting her up, Wilkinson seemed intrigued from across the way. It as an odd way for a married couple to behave. It’s extremely exciting to see other women checking out my husband; it reminds me of how attractive he is,” says Hunter, a 47-year-old mother of two with her own beauty business. “This works both ways. When he sees men eyeing me, it puts me in a different light. I’m no longer just that woman folding his laundry. Even though he knows he’s going home with me, that bit of role-playing brings out a competitive fire we had at the beginning of our relationship.”
The couple went through some rocky years, though they became determined to change course. After separating, Hunter put energy into rekindling their romance.“We go on date nights and watch racy movies,” she smiles. “You have to spice things up. And you can’t get lazy. It’s important to take care of yourself. Pedicures make you more desirable, and make you feel better about yourself. Many women—spurred on by friends, therapists, or stories like Fifty Shades of Grey—have stepped up their sensuality. Some get in touch with their inner seductress with pole dance classes at Crunch; others wear vampire makeup, or try a heady fragrance to turn up the heat.
ACCORDING TO FLORIDA BASED sex therapist Dr. Barbara Winter, that involves exploring touch, smell, sight, and sound. “You have to think about all your senses and how you can arouse them,” she explains. “Smell is very evocative. Light a candle. When women act sexy, they feel sexy, so buy some new lingerie and put on a pair of heels. And most importantly, create the time and space to explore.” For couples who’ve been together a while, role-playing can help ignite passions. “Sometimes one person acts out a fantasy for the other; sometimes they both do it,” Winter explains. “It’s healthy, as long as it doesn’t get out of hand.” According to behavioral psychologist Stephen Josephson, a best-selling book and blockbuster film have taken some stigma away from S&M role-playing. “Dominant-submissive role experimentation has always been present, but Fifty Shades gave women permission to do it without feeling deviant,” he says. “After a while, relationships become mundane,” Winter adds. “Passion and safety are inverted.
At the beginning, when you’re unsure, there’s sexual power and passion. Once life settles in and there’s security, you have to create that space. Make it a point to seduce your partner.” You don’t have to be in a committed relationship to increase your sex appeal. “If a woman doesn’t have a partner for a while, she can get demoralized or disgruntled, and her libido can be diminished,” warns Josephson. “But you can still be sensual. It’s not just about arousal; it’s about how good your body can feel, even if you take a bubble bath or wear soft clothing.” Personal maintenance can change the way your body feels, to yourself and others Getting a body scrub or massage not only feels good, it leaves skin softer, which makes you feel more touchable. “At our salon we use a warm mix of Dead Sea salt and lavender oil, and apply it in a heated bed,” explains Dorit Baxter of her eponymous Manhattan spa.
“When clients step off of that bed their skin is like velvet… They keep feeling their arms in disbelief.” A few blocks up at Yasmine Djerradine Institut de Beauté, women flock to receive massages with a combination of aromatic essential oils, followed by a pain-free Brazilian wax. “When they’re finished, they’re often motivated to go to Agent Provocateur and buy lingerie,” says Djerradine. “It’s empowering when we know our skin feels and smells good, and even if we wear faded jeans, it’s nice to know we have something luxurious underneath to make us feel even more feminine.”
HAVING A MASSAGE THERAPIST OR TWO COME TO your home is an over-the-top sensual indulgence. “House-call massage has become extremely popular, especially in the winter,” says Grace Macnow, owner of Graceful Services. “It’s a nice way to unwind and take yourself out of work mode.” Acupuncture, too, can make us feel more seductive. “There are points on the ankle and lower portion of the torso known for fertility, but which also stimulate hormones,” explains Shellie Goldstein, an acupuncturist and esthetician whose Manhattan and East Hampton centers also offer microcurrent for the body. This, she says, “makes your breasts perkier and your butt higher.” Smoky eyes and vibrant lips automatically turn up the temperature, too. “If you want to look and feel particularly sexy, line the inside and outside of the eye’s water line,” suggests Rebecca Perkins, co-owner of Rouge New York, a salon in Manhattan’s SoHo neighborhood. “The more you wear it, the more smudged and smoldering it looks.
Also try wearing bright lipstick to the supermarket. It shows that you pay attention to yourself.” Few things make you instantly sexier than lash extensions. “I can see the difference in a woman when she walks in and when she walks out,” says Karina Freedman, who has a small boutique spa in Manhattan and another on Long Island. “She’s definitely more flirtatious as she’s batting those lashes.” Of course, a beautiful smile can launch a thousand ships. “When the two front teeth are a bit longer than the sides, it’s considered sexy and youthful,” notes Dr. Lana Rozenberg, a New York dentist with a practice off Fifth Avenue. “You can get a little bonding to lengthen those teeth, or just go in for a quick whitening.” This not only makes a face more appealing; it gives a person confidence, which is such a big part of the allure. “It’s common for women to fall into the stretch pants syndrome,” says Hunter. “You have to make an effort to keep your sexual side alive. Make sure your hair is shiny and your skin and teeth look good. Then put on a pair of pretty stockings with heels and get playful. Believe me, no man will try to stop you.”