The Dark Side Of Your Zodiac Sign
Posted On Mar 27, 2016
As every fan of astrology knows, most descriptions of your Star sign and its accompanying character traits tend to focus on the positive. Leos are confident and loyal. Pisces are imaginative and compassionate. Those born under the sign of Aries have magnetic personalities that inspire the devotion of others. However, what about our negative qualities — the ones we all know are there lurking under the surface?
While most astrology books will try to spin your sign’s worst traits into something optimistic, English astrologer Stella Hyde’s Darkside Zodiac takes an unflinching and hilarious look only at the negative qualities that define each sign.
The self-admitted “grudge-bearing Cancer” gleefully rips into each of the twelve zodiac signs, exposing character flaws, explaining romantic pitfalls, revealing what deadly sin your sign is most susceptible to, and predicting future disasters that will be brought on by your own dark traits.
Darkside Zodiac starts with a caveat: it’s not for the faint of heart. However, those willing to laugh at themselves and their loved ones will enjoy the book’s brutal honesty and tongue-in-cheek cynicism.
Here’s a quick roundup of some of the revelations waiting for you in Darkside Zodiac. If you are ready to embrace your dark side, read on at your own risk!
Aries: According to Hyde, you are “greedy, argumentative, restless, willful, self-obsessed and the zodiac’s permanently enraged adolescent”. Wrath is your favorite deadly sin because “it’s straightforward, uncomplicated and requires hardly any brain power. Something that’s useful for you.” Ouch!
Taurus: Maybe you didn’t realize it before but Hyde asserts, “you’re stupendously dull and move only when poked by a stick.” Not only that but “your little bully brain can’t cope with anything complex, so you do nothing — and get buried alive by avalanches you refuse to notice.” Your favorite deadly sin is greed.
Gemini: You may have thought you were an outgoing people-person but nope, “you’re the con artist with a cheeky grin who detaches babies from their candy and laughs as you leave them crying.” Apparently you don’t have just one favorite deadly sin, you have two for each twin: “Pride (you know you look good), lust (because it’s fun), envy (of nice, shiny things) and greed. Greed is good.”
Cancer: Cancers are whiners and crybabies. As Hyde says, “Grumpy, moody, tetchy and devious — not Snow White’s dwarves but a summary of your defining gracelessness.” Naturally, your go-to deadly sin is sloth because it’s “the paralyzing immobility that comes when you let despair get you in its grip.”
Leo: You’re a bossy egomaniac and “deep within your roaring lion heart you know you’re an arrogant, intolerant, pompous, self-centered bully.” Of course, your favorite sin is pride.
Virgo: You thought your analytical nature was a virtue. According to Hyde, you are wrong. “Virgos are negative, tiny-hearted fusspots obsessed with detail who do nothing but carp and criticize.” Vanity is naturally your favorite deadly sin since you’re “insufferably pleased with yourself, cruelly critical of everyone else.”
Libra: Indecisive, fickle and idle, you can’t even choose just one deadly sin. For you, it’s a three-way tie between vanity, sloth and greed.
Scorpio: Your dark side is the darkest of all the signs since “there’s no sin or depravity you wouldn’t consider, although you might not carry them out — sometimes it’s more exquisite to deny yourself than to indulge.” And you are all about your favorite deadly sin: lust.
Sagittarius: Sagittarians are basically senseless brutes. Hyde elaborates further, saying, “brash, crass, loudmouthed and impetuous, you are the zodiac’s mindless hooligan, game for anything.” As for deadly sins, you love them all.
Capricorn: You’re the Uncle Scrooge of the zodiac. “Mean, miserly, petty, unforgiving — you have the stamina and relentless bloody-mindedness to keep wearing away at the world until it’s lost the will to live and follows your way.” Your favorite deadly sin is avarice.
Aquarius: Not only do you have a major superiority complex but you are also “a chilly-hearted, disengaged observer of the human condition, who has never knowingly reacted spontaneously to any experience.” Sloth and pride are a couple of your favorite sins.
Pisces: A manipulative martyr, “you’ve a reputation for clustering around sickbeds, but vicarious wallowing springs to mind as, if you do manage to get anyone back on their feet and they start succeeding at life, you become jealous.” As can be expected, your favorite deadly sin is envy.